Friday, 2 January 2009

Sunday morning love - I have a question

I have a question.
Should love be 'natural'?
have you ever met someone, and from the moment of your first words exchanged, it just seemed as if some kind of magic love dust had been sprinkled on the two of you exclusively? you immediately clicked, as if there was just an undeniable connection that the two of you shared, along with cohesive views on life and love, cracking up at the same corny jokes, even bonding over your mutual obsession with butterfinger ice cream and the CNN political news ticker.
well, due to certain events of the last month of my life regarding my relationship, and the relationships of my friends, and coworkers, i have been thinking very heavily about this whole 'love is hard work' thing. call me an idealist, but it seems to me that love should have a certain amount of 'natural feel' to it. it shouldn't be all work. now i know that of course keeping a relationship interesting and fresh and love new requires some work on both sides. but should it be ALL work? should it be a JOB just to love your partner with the same intensity as they love you? i have always been a believer in destiny and soul mates and finding your 'perfect match' (and i think there are several 'perfect matches' possible for any one person), so i guess that is why some things have been troubling me as of late. you see, i've experienced a natural love.
the kind of love where things just kind of fall into place. i've been in the 'just be' love. where the initial newness isn't the only time you feel like you're floating in the clouds. it doesn't just wear off with time because you two share the kind of intensity that people look at and say, 'damn.' if you disagree with each other, you can talk about it without someone's blood pressure rising.
now of course 'mama said there'd be days like this', but how many days like this is one too many? how many arguments based on your core differences/beliefs is just too much? how far of a gap can there be between your similarities and personalities and compatibility before you say "you know what, we just aren't meant to be."
i do believe that marriage is hard work. but that's understandable. when you get married, several other factors are involved. you have bills together, accounts, mortgages, children, legal documents. so i can understand why people say that 'marriage is hard work.'
but should the love itself be just as hard? is it okay to settle for a good relationship with a good mate....or should we all be striving for a great relationship with your soul mate? how much work should you invest?
is it possible to 'grow' to love someone as intensely as you would if it just happened 'naturally'? maybe i'm delusional.
maybe i've just been fortunate in my experiences with love. maybe i'm just being foolish. i just have to believe (because i've been there) that 'easy' love does exist. easy like sunday morning...or at least sunday evening :) that's what i want. more importantly, that's what i deserve. the question is, is it possible to build that....or is that something that fate decides? i wrote this poem a while ago, but i can't say it doesn't still apply to some degree.

the missing piece

there is a piece missing...
i should feel tipsy, right?
the love bug should FEEL like something, right?
the automatic flick of the switch in my heart should click, right?
where are the butterflies?
sweet hellos, long goodbyes?
smiles, hugs, cuddles, adoring stares?
-did i miss something?-
shouldn't there be moments?
time stops, heart drops, outside world fades lost in love?
where are the long walks in the sand on the beach
with interlocked fingers and hearts? where is it?
candlelit dinners, poetry sharing, museum exhibits..
naked beauty at 3am with strong arms,
mind, spirit telling me i'm beautiful...
-where did it go? was it ever here?-
soul searching 6am, bible study,
and church at 10 comforting silences,
stolen glances, sexy ear whispers in crowded rooms.
shoulders to cry on in bad times
arms to jump into in celebration
encouraging, believing, achieving.... together
-SOMETHING is definitely missing-
long heart to hearts have been lost in our busy lives
no time for relationship matters
'just because' gifts morphed into 'i'm sorry i forgot, i'll make it up' promises
gone are the cherrystrawberry aphrodisiac picnics at sunset
rollerblading on the strip..
whenever, wherever, i want you NOW passion..
lip biting, sheet grabbing, sweat dripping explosions of nature....
-where is it, dammit?-
intelligent convo, subjects politics,
self-awareness, society strong morals, opinions,
respect for each other....
home training, home cooking, home making..
working hard to provide, but still making time to rub my feet...
beautiful poetry flowing..
speaks only positivity towards me..
-i am seriously missing something-
strong black man...
got my back AND my front i got his too..
handles his business boardroom to bedroom
from hello mr..
to whaddup my nicca!
got his shit together..
vibing to the roots, jay z, aerosmith and coltrane
without missing a beat
real man.
real woman.
best friends.
the missing piece of my life..
-where is it?-
not here.
excitement, passion, longing
have all fled a shell of what we used to be...
a photo album of happier times is all that remains...
very 'significant other' has become under appreciated 'spouse'
need to find my missing link..
yin to my yang..
i know it's out there...
just have to find it....
my missing piece.

2 comentarii:

Anonymous said...

Am citit undeva ca e mai usor sa iubesti decat sa te faci iubit. M-am gandit mult la asta si, sincer, o simt pe pielea mea. Dragostea nu este o competitie, care iubeste mai mult, care e mai iertator, care doreste mai tare. Da, dragostea e ceva ce trebuie sa fie "firesc de natural", ca sa zic asa, dar uneori suntem atat de grabti, ca nu vedem micile detalii care ne aduc marile bucurii sau, mai rau, pierdem si asa putinul timp lamentandu-ne, certandu-ne sau (mai) cautand ceva ce am gasit deja, dar nu ne dam seama. Am o vorba: life is not complicated. We complicate it.

Daria said...

Atunci cand iubesti, iubesti la dublu. O data pe tine, o data pe cel de langa tine. Hard work to do, dupa cum am aflat si eu intr-un final apoeotic. Sa te faci iubit insa pt ceea ce esti, nici asta nu e simplu. Nu as putea sa spun care din task-urile astea e mai dificil, cert e ca it's a vicious circle all this hustle-and-bustle, o iubire curge din alta. Eu, una, cu toate ca imi place sa afirm ca iubesc neconditionat, nu stiu zau daca as putea sa iubesc fara sa fiu iubita. Si sa o spun sincer, nici nu stiu ce am facut ca sa fiu iubita. Cred ca pur si simplu am iubit si basta. Topurile gen iubirea asta e mai grea decat cealalta sunt oricum pura teoretizare. The simple feeling of love, fie ca vorbim de iubire rasfranta asupra celui de langa noi sau de iubire primita de la acesta, e the ultimate cherry on the top of the cake.
Cat despre "firescul de natural", daca acesta nu ar exista, nu cred ca am vorbi de iubire in stare pura, ci de iubire cu pansament. Nu imi place de tine ca ai ochii caprui, nu-i bai, cand ma uit in ei, ma gandesc la cat de bine gatesti si imi trece.
It all has to flow naturally, fara feeling de sacrificiu si efort. Restul e o chestiune de antrenament. Dar sparkle-ul ala firesc de natural e semnul ca this love is or can be The Love.