Friday 22 May 2009

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is

Explicati-mi. Cum asa?
La mine-n familie toata lumea stie teoria bunelor maniere, stie si sa estimeze corect importanta unei comunicari eficiente, dar ceea ce stie cel mai bine famelia mea e sa se certe in stil italian. Sti`-ma Han Tatar cum naiba reusim toti sa ne simtim atat de bine intr-o atmosfera atat de tensionata. Cateodata, din cauza ca toata lumea vorbeste concomitent, devine atat de imposibil sa mai porti o conversatie incat tot ce-ti ramane de facut e sa a)razi in hohote sau b)urli mai tare decat toti ca sa te faci auzit sau c)taci si admiri peisajul (din compilatia "You can observe a lot by just watching") si, in ultima instanta tot la a) ajungi.
Fragment din opera Interactiunea Monoloagelor:

-No, zi mah, fut-o Stalin de viata, daca ii corect. Am jucat 1x - am pus si x, sa fiu sigur, desi jucau acasa - si au pierdut 0-3. Apai sa nu blestemi... iara mi-a crescut tensiunea, aduceti-mi careva doctoriile pt hipertensiune! (bunicul)
-Da` ce ti-am zis?! Lasa-le incolo de pariuri, lua-le-ar naiba! Iar ne bagi pe toti in sperieti cu tensiunea ta! Inc-o data daca te mai vad ca joci la pariuri si te enervezi, nu stiu ce fac! (eu, predicand despre importanta pastrarii calmului,in cel mai putin calm mod cu putinta)
-...da mai, iara au marit astia pretul la benzina. In toata Europa s-a ieftinit, numa` noi suntem mai fraieri si am scumpit-o (un unchi suparat pe viata)
-Am fost ieri la inspectorat, mi-am depus dosarul pt gradul 1 (mama, facand pe carierista mereu pasionata de meseria de pedagog cu salar nanometric). Iara n-am vara libera, tre` sa stau sa invat. Bine ca Becali n-are nici liceul si invarte banii cu lopata. Halal viata corecta.
-....si am pus cota dubla, ca doar n-o mai pierdut de 11 etape...Nimic nu mai ii corect in tara asta, bine-o facut fata ca s-o dus.
-...bai, unde mi-e iPhone-u`?! (iar eu, incercand sa schimb subiectul, in timp ce debordez de un teribilism pueril)
- Mai mancati salata de boeuf sau aduc supa? (bunica, draga de ea)
-...Ce drag mi-e sa stau cu voi, m-am saturat sa stau singura, numai cu pisicile... (strabunica, noroc ca saraca nu stie romaneste si nu pricepe ca fiecare e cu aia ma-sii, ca altfel s-ar lua de cap)

***********

Oare cati dintre insi stiu ca NU femeia intra prima intr-un local, ci babatul? Probabil multi, doar ca nu i-am intalnit eu pe aia multi. Aproape de fiecare data cand ma duc cu un barbat - de cele mai multe ori acelasi si singurul - intr-un restaurant, ma confrunt cu aceleasi seculare 10 sec de impas.
-Hai, intra.
-Nu, tu primul.
-Vino mai odata, incerc sa fiu si eu gentleman si tu tot taranca ramai.
-Magarule!
...sau "how to ruin a romantic dinner in 10 seconds"
************

Teoretic, cam 80% dintre femei spun ca nu sufera barfa, snobismul si mancarurile nesanatoase. Practic, incearca sa calci o femeie pe nervi si vei avea toate sansele s-o vezi practicand unul din sporturile sus mentionate (desfiintarea cuiva prin barfa, aruncat bani pe fereastra pe chestii inutile si exorbitant de scumpe sau ingurgitarea unor chestii letale pt silueta).

***********
Tot teoretic, cu totii suntem egali. Practic, conform teoriei orwelliene, some are more equal than others, si deci, "Eu pot, tu nu!" Teoretic, de cateva luni imi tot promit ca nu mai mananc langa laptop si ma asez ca un om normal la o masa. Practic n-o fac. Dar asta nici nu-i asa mare bai. Teoretic, daca altcineva face acelasi lucru, n-ar trebui sa comentez. Dar practica asta ne omoara...
-Nu poti si tu sa mananci ca un om normal la o masa, fara sa jegaresti laptopul ala cu ce ai in blid?
-Eh, pai daca am avut de la cine sa invat sa mananc, sa dorm si sa respir langa laptop, ce sa-i faci!?...
(pauza de cugetat daca sa ma simt cu musca pe caciula sau sa-i dau inainte cu tupeu cu morala de muiere cicalitoare. Optez, desigur, pt varianta 2)
-Hai, lasa nu divaga, muta-te cu farfuria aia la masa, sa nu mai vad firmituri pe langa laptop ca fac urat.
-Dacastiam ca e asa usor sa te fac sa taci, ma catapultam si singur demult.
Dar asa...
-Magarule!


31 comentarii:

radumamii said...

eu mi-am facut datoria de cetatean si am bagat deja o vama vara asta. dupa tine mai sta mult omu, sau iara faci pe mironosita si vii si stai 2 zile? ca asa te desfiintez de nu te vezi..
pardon, la mc in romana cine a intrat primul?

Daria said...

Pai daca tu numesti McDonald`s-ul restaurant, atunci te numesc si eu nemanierat, ca erai lihnit de foame si te-ai impins magareste sa intrii primul, nu ca you gave a shit about manners.
oi veni si eu in VV, da` nu stiu cand ajung pe acasa. Nu te teme, ca arunc cu buzduganul inainte.
Ma mir ca n-aud comentarii despre shoppingul muieresc, ca stiu ca esti mare fan.

radumamii said...

pula calului, sa nu deschidem subiectul! (nici cu mc, nici cu muiere la shopping)
s-inc un lucru: tu de cand cu prefix schimbat te-ai mai sclerozat? sau ce ai de scrii asa rar, te tine careva legata?

Daria said...

Hmmm... nu-i rea asta cu legatul.

Lucia said...

Daria! ce blog dragut ai felicitari

Daria said...

@Lucia: multumesc, din pacate nu prea am timp sa scriu mai des, dar promit sa devin mai constanta in curand.
Bine te-am intalnit :)

nol said...

oooaaaa,ceartă în stil italian cu accent de Cluj! ori ești live ori nu e tot aia!

încă o datăăăă:mă bucur că te-am văzut,neintenționat,în Jenis,Cluj-Napoca,România..:))

alexandra. said...

Still alive?:)

Anonymous said...

Hei... nu mai scrii? deloc? sau ai alt blog? te citeam cu placere...

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
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