Sunday, 7 December 2008

Cum se fac copiii?

Pai cam depinde.
Daca investim sensul verbului a face, in intrebarea de mai sus, cu a deveni, atunci e simplu: toti copiii se fac mari calai si de fapt nu mai sunt copii la un moment dat. Se ajunge greu la concluzia asta, si timpul nu-i tocmai nesemnificativ. La unii dureaza 20 ani, la altii vreo 60. Ideea-i aceeasi. La un moment dat devii adult. Lasati exceptiile si povestile cu "eu am sa raman mereu copil" si alte vrajeli.

Doi, daca a face = a produce, treaba se complica.

Pe la vreo 4 ani (da, da, destul de repede), mi s-a adus la cunostinta faptul ca un copil este produsul uniunii biologice dintre un El si o Ea. Aveam o veriosoara mai mare decat mine cu vreo 6 ani, si ea deja stia care-i mersu`. Nu am priceput nimic.
Pai si cum ramane cu plastelina?
Eu cand am intrebat-o pe mama de unde vin, mi-a zis ca "de pe balcon". Pai cum?
Pai simplu. "Eu si tati (tata e artist plastic) te-am confectionat din plastelina cum am vrut noi si apoi te-am pus la uscat pe balcon 9 luni. 9 luni in care ne-am rugat la doamne-doamne sa ne dea o fetita frumoasa, sanatoasa si desteapta. Si asa ai aparut tu."
Si cum ramane cu barza?
Eu cand am intrebat-o pe tovarasa educatoare cum am aparut pe Terra, mi-a zis ca m-a adus barza.
Si cum ramane cu Raiul?
Eu cand am fost la biserica si l-am intrebat pe un nene de unde vin, mi-a zis ca sunt darul lui Dumnezeu si ca am cazut din Rai. Si cica tot acolo ma intorc. Nu stiam ce-i ala Rai, deci ma indoiam sa ma intorc acolo. Acum stiu, si am aceleasi mari dubii.

Mama s-a nascut in 6 Decembrie. Cand si-a intrebat parintii cum a venit pe lume, ia ghiciti?! Te-a aduc Miculashu`. Bunicul e nascut in 25 Decembrie. Guess what? Pe el l-au vrajit ai lui ca l-a adus Mos Craciun.
Incredibil cat de inventiva e taratcuta umana cand e vorba de inflorit.

Copiii au marea calitate de a fi curiosi. Si si mai marea calitate de a avea o minte ca o sugativa. Memoria lor suge toate informatiile cu o usurinta uimitoare. Deci nu vad rostul in a minti un copil despre procesul prin care a fost adus pe lume. Pana la urma tot afla. Si cand alfa, in capul ala mic al lui se poarta un razboi crunt: unu la mana, parintii imi pun in farfurie, deci de ce sa ma minta, doi la mana, de ce-mi pun in farfurie daca m-a adus barza? Sa-mi dea barza de mancare, nu ei. Deci ceva tot e la mijloc de codru des. Ceva adevar tot tre` sa fie si in chestia cu "mama face sex cu tata si asa rezulta eu". Cam asta a fost rationamentul meu. Si m-am dus tilip, tilip la mama si i-am zis verde-n fata: "Mama, de ce m-ai mintit si nu mi-ai spus ca tu ai facut sex cu tata si asa am venit eu pe lume?". Maica-mea s-a apucat de ras. Eu de plans. De nervi. Ca nu stiam ce-i cu rasul ala, e de bine sau de rau. Si apoi mi-a explicat in niste termeni prea abstracti pt mintiuca mea cum sta treaba de-adevaratelea.

Ma gandesc ca nu-i tocmai usor sa-i vorbesti unui copil despre adevaratul proces de producere a copiilor, dar cu siguranta parintii care reusesc au o bulina rosie.

Buuon, ieri ma plimb prin centru, vin acasa de la biblioteca, si aud o discutie intre un adult si un copilas:
-Mama, eu de ce-s negru si Lucy e alba? (in conditiile in care Lucy era surioara, si copilul curios era negru, spre deosebire de tot restul familionului, deci probabil adoptat)
-Pt ca Lucy vine de pe o alta planeta decat tine, ti-am mai explicat. Sunteti la fel, doar ca aerul pe care l-a respirat Lucy pe planeta ei i-a facut pielea mai alba. In rest sunteti la fel, nu conteaza de unde veniti, pt mine sunteti la fel.

Bag sama ca de cand cu consumismul asta, copiii au ajuns chiar sa fie facuti la comanda. Si de cand cu expansiunea si globalizarea, poti chiar sa-i comanzi de pe alte planete. Cam ca si cu nevestele rusoaice comandate pe Internet...
Pana unde, dom`le, pana unde? 8-|

17 comentarii:

Anetzk said...

Da pana cand,dom`le,pana cand?=))
Pffffwai ca de mult nu m-am mai distrat asa bine,merci...Ca fapt divers,eu pana prin clasa intai eram convinsa ca vin din buricu lui tata:))
Faza cu plastelina e cea mai tare ghiceala pe care am auzit-o pana acum;).

Daria said...

Hai ca nici cu buricu` nu-i rea, tre` sa admit :)) Eu cand am vazut prima oara in viata mea o gravida, am fost convinsa ca un plod se confectioneaza din mancare si ca oamenii de-aia mananca, si cateodata imi mangaiam burtica si ii vorbeam. Dar asta-i alta poveste :))

Anonymous said...

Ma peees pe mine, vai ce-am ras. Da tre sa ai un pic de imaginatie ca sa te gandesti la chestia cu plastilina, nu gluma! Genial!

Anonymous said...

eu n-am sa ma sfiesc vreodata sa=i explic lu` baiatu-meu cum sta treaba. cu nevasta-mea e mai complicat ca ea mai practica tabuuri rasuflate, cumva trebuie scoase din cap ca bietul alex incepe sa creada in berze mai mult decat in mos craciun.
serbanescuG, daca mai tii minte

Dorian said...

maiculita, deci de-aia ca esti din plastelina esti tu mai..altfel, acuma totul are sens pt mintea mea. Am inteles in sfarsit!

radumamii said...

dorian, tocmai ce m-am luminat si eucum sta treaba cu daria. tot comportamentul de fac ce am eu chef, am orice drept se trage de la impresia ca ea nu-i ca altele, facuta din coasta lui adam, ci e facuta fix ca adam, din lut. sau plastelina, cum i-or fi impuiat capul parintii...
fetito, de mica te-ai emancipat, de cand ti s-a urcat la cap plastelina! vai de-adamii tai cat or avea de-ndurat.

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