♂ ≠ ♀

-BUZZ! zice de colo un good ol` friend. Ca tuh...sa va bag si sa va scot si sa va asa si pe dincolo, si sa va mai bag o data, sa fie clara treaba.
-Stai asa, ca nu pricep. Cine, fratzika? Pe cine? Care, cum, ce se petrece?
-Ca voi, ca muierile, ca toate! Ca sa va bag si sa asa mai departe (vezi randu` de mai sus)...
-Spune, draga prietene, ce-ai pe suflet. Dar daca se poate, fara sa ma bagi si pe mine si sa ma scoti, ca sa ai iara unde ma baga, ca sunt usor irascibila la o asemenea abordare si s-ar putea sa nu se stie.
-Ca, tuh femeie, cum dracu` sa ti-o spun mai clar: is peste poate de nervos.
-Peste care poate?
-Peste poatele mele, ale unui barbat.
-Pai de-aia ca poatele voastre se termina mai repede decat ar trebui, la cata gura faceti ca sa va preaslaviti rezistenta de fier si masculinitatea infinita.
-...is ase nervos, ca daca ar fi acuma donsoara aici, cred ca m-ar manca palma...Explica-mi si mie: tie cat timp iti ia sa faci un dush, sa te epilezi si sa-ti faci un bagaj?
-Pai, fratzika, depinde. Stiu ca voua, masculilor, va place raspunsul asta elaborat, spus cu un suspin ganditor, cu iz de filozofeala... Depinde daca epilatul e scurt sau lung, daca e total sau partial, daca e la salon sau acasa, daca ceara e de calitate au ba. Apoi bagajul, si ala depinde. Daca mergem in Seychelles, ia ceva, ca pana imi gasesc eu flip-flopsii, ma ia mama dracu`. Daca simplificam totul si mergem un week end la cabana, sansele-s mari sa dureze sub 10 min. Dar, ti-am spus, depinde.
-...ca sa va bag s.a.m.d. !!!
NB: se pare ca amorezii pierdusera trenul spre paradisiacul kingdom of far-far-away din cauza gatelii donsoricii... nu ma bag, ca nu-s mecanic, da` dupa cum am spus, treaba depinde de mai multi factori, nu-i totul asa simplu precum pare la prima vedere pt un mascul.

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Ma mir uneori din ce motive se pot certa componentii unui cuplu. Daca ma intrebati in clipa asta de ce ma cert eu cu un eventual batut de soarta care ar putea vreodata face parte din acelasi cuplu din care fac si eu parte, am sa imbratisez numaidecat acel suspin intelepto-filozofic si am sa insir motive demne de toate palariile jos, precum: comunicare deficitara, egotism, carenta de tandrete, indiferenta, imposibilitatea captarii unei frecvente comune. Fara vreo intentie explicita de a o lua pe ulei si a plonja intr-un sentimentalism exacerbat si imposibil de digerat pt o sambata seara relaxanta, tre` sa imi exprim parerea pe tema asta (ca doar e blogu` meu, deci ssshhht!) : unu la mana, totul tine de acel little thing called love. Care ori ii, ori nu ii. Daca nu-i, poti s-o freci in noroc cu motivele mai devreme enumerate, ca tot n-o scoti la capat. Daca ii, foarte bine, si acum trecem la doi la mana:

♂ ≠ ♀

ma-ntelegeti? Ar fi fost atatea alte cuvinte care sa exprime asta, dar vreau sa fiu sigura ca mesajul va fi captat si de mintea sexului tare, fapt pt care am supra-simplificat "esplicatia" pana la minim. O zi nu trece fara cel putin 10 exemple ce ne ustura retina si alte simturi si organe simtitoare, care sa vina in sprijinul formulei magice de mai sus. Ca sa am si-un back-up teoretico-stiintific (si meta-logic chiar), da, am citit Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Si daca chiar vrem sa "vêtir l'idée d'une forme sensible", atunci citim frumos Metafizica sexului de Evola, mare om, mare caracter, si-o carte excelenta.
Da` nu-i musai. Putem sa citim sau sa nu citim, ca pe noi tot o sa ne manance la infnit aceasta problematica diferenta dintre sexe. Cateodata se gasesc argumente logice, alteori se prefera explicatii mai simpliste legate de organul cu care rationeaza un sex, spre deosebire de alt sex (care sex tare cica n-ar rationa mereu cu capu`...sau da, cu capu`, da` cu care cap? as zice mai degraba ca astea-s teorii old-fashioned, e pur si simplu o diferenta de nivel in ceea ce priveste localizarea encefalului...si nu, nici la sexul slab nu-i mereu acolo unde trebuie, creierasul! si-acuma aud in surdina corul masculin "pai muierile nu gandesc NICIODATA cu creierul, la ce bun o localizare corecta din punct de vedere biologic daca oricum nu-l folosesc?!!"). Adevarul e ca lupta asta pt ratiune si pt suprematia in ceea ce priveste disputa "eu-s mai cu mot!" e un non-sens. Cum dracu` sa semanam daca numai impreuna fac un tot, o femeie si-un barbat? Cum ar putea o femeie sa-si ghideze intreaga-i existenta dupa orientarile unui penis, cand el nici nu exista in pantalonii ei, ci in pantalonii aluia cu care tocmai se tot cearta?(din colectia "numai la futut iti sta capul!) Sau cum ar putea vreodata un barbat sa exceleze in a comunica cu o femeie, cand ea deja produce suficiente cuvinte cat sa acoepre ratia pt (cel putin aman)doi?(din colectia "duuuoooamne, cu ce ti-am gresit?! fa-o sa taca!) etc.

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-Iubitu, stii ce zi e maine?
-Da, iubita, e duminica.
-Ah, deci nu aniversam nimic?
-Pai, nu stiu daca tii tu neaparat sa sarbatorim Ziua Aviatiei Americane...?! Putem sa facem si-asta, facem ce vrei tu, iubita.
-Bine, atunci tu sarbatoresti Ziua Aviatiei Americane, si eu ma duc la cina, sa sarbatoresc un an de cand suntem impreuna, ok, iubitu?

******
Actualmente, winampul meu oscileaza intre M. Ward si Ben Folds. Pusi pe repeat, alaturi de ultimul album U2. Asa ca luati aminte la versurile lui Ben Folds (scrise, by the way, pun pariu ca nu stiati! de Nick Hornby)

(The answer you seek my son only poses more questions.
Ask many women why relationship has failed.
Each woman offers unique reasons for demise.
One woman may say, "man could not commit."
Or, "man is douche, and is now free to make love to himself instead."
Another woman may say, "man had changed,"
or even, "man no longer satisfactory lover."
But my son, ask many men same question all over the world, "why has relationship failed?" Each man, each time, will give same, simple answer.) -> da-i sa sune melodia.

Confusion...Final Goodbyes

How it has come to this, I have never quite understood. Perhaps, i do. Logically, it is quite possible, in fact, inevitable that it came to this. I am sometimes tempted to be romantic -ok, rarely, but I sometimes am-(and for the sake of threading a perfect novel piece) to say that my heart don’t understand. But the truth is, my heart understands; in fact better than my mind. Months ago, even when laughter and conversation were ample, my heart had already began to beat the shuddery, shadowy beat. It is very much like music; if you were to listen carefully, you’ll hear the faint but definite background pulse going hand in hand with the main composition. That was precisely the case: the main tempo was the joyful, lighthearted beat (oh, how many times a day would I break into a laughter; crack a smile; lean on you and felt safe?) But vague and definite, the shadowy beat of guilt and uncertainty came along side the main tempo. Yes, my heart knew better; discerned better; in fact, much better than my mind would ever.

But it is precisely the sensitivity of the heart that makes it such a contradiction. It understands best for it is most sensitive to the changes in the tides of relationships: foreseeing these changes long before they occur; but yet, because of its sensitivity, it will hurt infinitely. The heart is a muscle, thus, it will ache; it will tire. The mind: a mass of nerves coldly detects, interprets and signals. It cannot tire or hurt.

And how i wished that my heart and my head worked together, flawlessly as a team: that the heart will sense and discern long before any disaster befall and the mind will logically persuade and convince the heart to evacuate from the place of danger. But alas! it is not so at all. The heart and mind, so often, so fantastically mix up their roles and play each other’s part that one is led to walk straigt into disaster, sit there in the middle of it all and not budge. The best part is: we tell ourselves, we have to endure and persevere through the pain. Now, you may wonder how is it possible that the heart and mind mix up their God given, divine roles? But is it not true? The mind does not properl our thoughts forward logically; instead it plays the nostalgic role of the heart and constantly stirs up memories of happier days, bad fights and should-have-been-long-forgotten-but-left-unforgotten pasts alike. And the heart? It illogically persuades and convinces us to make decisions and choose paths. No wonder we stay in the middle of crises to endure when all that we ever needed to do to stop the pain was to walk away.

Now, i have analysed the reason for pain; for sustained periods of gried and the factors that lead one to be “stuck in a moment” (U2) BUt is it of any practical use to me? Not quite. Except that i made a resolution to write this piece titled “Final Goodbyes” (Note: “goodbyes” not goodbye”. Because this is not the first time i said goodbye to this friendship or say it to you aprosophically and neither would it be the last. Until my mind and heart learn to play their own roles dutifully, uncompromisingly, and accurately, i will have to keep saying goodbyes)

“We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun”

How apt that everything is written in the past tense; but why then do we keep singing this song?

Because of the confusion of the heart and mind; that is why. And so we will just have to keep saying goodbyes.

Ce-am fost si ce-am crezut ca am fost

5:01 PM Nicicand nu am avut asa o perioada nefasta pt blogareala.
Prin urmare, am sa incep prin a detalia vremea din Anglia la momentul scrierii acestui articol.
Aici ninge de doua zile si totul s-a blocat. Ma uit acum pe geam si vad casele acoperite de zapada, gardul e alb totalmente, strada e nepopulata, la fiecare geam vad clipocit de televizor, probabil lumea sta si isi bea five o`clock tea-ul, bucurandu-se de el mai mult ca niciodata, data fiind temperatura de -3 grade Celsius de afara. Tara intreaga e amortita sub 5 cm de zapada care au facut ravagii. Transportul e dat peste cap, oamenii sunt blocati, nu pot merge la joburi, facultatile trimit mail-uri studentilor spunandu-le sa stea acasa, ca sa nu isi puna vietile in pericol, prin urmare "In view of the adverse weather conditions, the decision has been taken to CANCEL ALL CLASSES TODAY.", la multe magazine vezi placute cu "due to winter conditions, the shop is now closed until the situation gets better". Multi dintre studenti (a.k.a. africani, indieni, unii asiatici) vad zapada pt prima data in viata lor. E incredibil cum o tara care se vrea a fi una din cele mai dezvoltate din lume e incremenita si speriata de niscaiva zapada.

5:03 PM Daca mi-ar fi bine, cu siguranta nu as vorbi despre vreme. Asta e specialitatea englezilor. Eu mi-s latina, nu stau sa disec firu`-n patru despre conditiile meteorologice.

Dar ceva se intampla in ultimul timp. Sufar de apatie. Nu imi pasa. De nimic.
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Am sa continui in engleza, curge mai usor. Si parca maschez mai bine ceea ce in romana m-ar face sa par de-a dreptul patetica.
Sa-i spunem "Povestea de joi despre niste oameni pe care nu-i (mai re)cunosc"

5:05 PM You meet someone. He’s everything you ever wanted. You fall in love. You get to know each other, and guess what? He loves you too! Sparks are flying, and there’s magic in the air. You get along great, and as time goes by you realize how much you really have fallen for him. It seems nothing could go wrong, you’re both so in love with each other, you share everything together, you’re like an ideal couple, in every sense of the word.

Then it happened. Suddenly, you feel like it’s just not the same anymore. He’s no longer sweet, and thoughtful, and caring. He turned from being the most lovable person to practically a migraine-causing stranger. You wonder what you’ve done to cause such a change. You labor over endless assumptions and analysis just to explain why things aren’t working the way they were between the two of you. You wonder, does he still love me? You pluck up the courage to ask him, but he just shrugs and avoids giving you a definite answer. You feel more frustrated than ever. And yet, his actions are loud and clear, even though he’s not saying it to your face. The love he once had for you, is no longer there.

You try to deny it. You hope. That somehow, maybe… you’re wrong. That perhaps, he still loves you and there’s a perfectly good explanation for the way he’s been acting. You desperately want to believe that things will get better. But you know you’re not happy anymore. You cry yourself to sleep every night, trying to think of ways to save your relationship. Trying to revive a feeling that was once there but has died a natural death, trying to mend something that you know is broken beyond repair. But then you wake up, and the truth is staring you hard in the face, it’s OVER. No matter how much you try to deny it, his chapter in your life has come to an end.

So now comes the painful process of letting go. You know in your heart that you have to, that it’s the right thing to do, but you just can’t! You love him. You need him. So the natural tendency is to hold on. You tell yourself to just hold on… even though you know his heart doesn’t belong to you anymore. You come to a point where you blame yourself for what’s happening. But it’s not your fault. You need to understand that there are certain things in life that you can’t control. They need to happen because someone up there allows them to happen.

It’s hard letting go of someone that we have loved for so long. It’s painful to watch the people we love, walk away from us. But if they want to go, we need to let them go! It’s easier said than done, but then again love is never easy. It hurts like crazy, and it hurts so bad that we feel like we’re about to bleed from so much pain. No one can truly explain how painful it is, without having experienced it themselves. It’s not easy, and it will take time. But know this and trust in this, IT WILL GET BETTER. The age old cliché, “Time heals all wounds“, may sound boring and repetitive, but it’s true. Letting go allows you and your partner to become the people you were meant to be. You can’t control love. You can’t force someone to stay with you, if you know they’re not happy anymore. What you can do is move on. Believe that there’s someone out there who will love you with everything that they have and in the way you deserve to be loved.

If we really and truly love someone, their happiness should mean more to us than our own. It’s called selfless love. So many lovers in the world are put to this kind of test. Ask yourself. How much do you really love him? Do you love him enough to allow him to go where he’s happy, even if it’s no longer with you? Do you love him enough to allow him to be happy without feeling revengeful or bitter? Do you love him enough to let him go?

Letting go doesn’t mean we need to GIVE UP, it just means we need to GIVE IN… give in to the TRUTH, and learn to accept the fact that we may have lost love, but that doesn’t mean we won’t be able to find it again. Maybe we just needed to love the wrong person first, before we finally love the right one. And when we finally meet the one that’s meant for us, we will know, because nothing and no one can ever take that away from us. Understand this. Only then will we be able to see the beauty of LOVE for what it really is, and appreciate the twist and turns of this journey we call LIFE.
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Je est un autre. Daca nu se gasea desteptul de Rimbaud sa spuna chestia asta, poate ajungeam eu copilul teribil al Poeziei. Asa, ce-am ajuns?

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Noi nu suntem monotoni

'A te trezi in fiecare zi si a constata ca inca mai existi e incurajator. E un gand ce te face sa te scoli zi de zi cu mai mult si mai mult chef. Iti confera un oarecare statut de erou, mai ales la vazul atator suferinte si necazuri. Si razboaie. Da, razboaie. Fascinante si razboaiele astea... a curs atata cerneala pentru ele. Si au ramas totusi atatea lucruri nespuse.
E fascinant sa fii tanara. Ai idealuri. Si chiar crezi in ele. Ai vise. Marete si palpabile. Ai un trup proaspat in fiecare dimineata fara macar sa ajustezi vreun defect. Ai atata energie incat ai vrea sa dai si altora. Ai hormoni ce danseaza prin corp un jive continuu. Ai stralucire. '

Era indragostita. E si asta un motiv sa te simti tanar. Pentru ca dragostea e un instrument de auto-reciclare. Te face mereu sa fi mai si mai tanar. Mai ales cand se repeta. E acelasi film, derulat de mai multe ori, cu alti protagonisti. De la Facere pana azi si inca mult timp de acum incolo va exista aceeasi tabla de legi. Respectate sau nu. Iubire. Dragoste. Amor. Cuvinte usoare. 'Te iubesc'-urile sunt imprastiate la fiecare pas fara prea mare tragere de inima. Inimioarele iti inunda mercantil viata, si asta nu doar pe 14 februarie. Dovezile de dragoste au devenit stereotipii ce unora le provoaca greata. Sila. Mila. Repulsie. Ce a ajuns dragostea, daca nu un alt instrument de manipulare a societatii? Iubim pentru ca dorim sa fim incadrati in tipare, in normalitate. "Ce fel de iubita/kisser/partenera in pat/etc esti?Raspunde la 5 intrebari si noi te incadram, taddda, intr-o categorie ;) " Ne casatorim pentru ca asa face toata lumea. Nu mai facem dragoste, facem sex, pentru ca e sanatos. Si atat. Ne dorim trupuri frumoase pentru ca sa ne placa cei cu care avem o asa-zisa relatie. Suntem gelosi ca sa ne dovedim dragostea. Cheltuim bani ca sa impresionam si sa cucerim. Facem copii nu pentu satisfactia personala, ci pentru satisfactia mamei, care isi doreste un nepotel. A colegelor de serviciu care te invinovatesc ca esti singura care nu perpetueaza specia. De fapt sunt invidioase ca inca nu ti s-au lasat sanii si nu ai de hranit o gura in plus, fat pt care iesi mai des la shopping decat ele sau iti permiti vacante mai exotice decat Eforie Nord pe bilete de sindicat. Sa nu ne ingrasam. Sa nu ne insele sotii. Sa nu divortam. Oricum unul din doi oameni divorteaza, oricum credem in iubire pana cand asteptarile ne sunt inselate, apoi femeile o dau pe “Toti barbatii sunt niste porci”, iar barbatii pe “Toate femeile-s niste curve”. Pana gasim un altul/o alta si lucrurile o iau de la capat...Dar da, incercam din rasputeri sa nu cadem in monotonie, nu-i asa?

Fluturi ce?

Fluturi in stomac.
N-am avut asa ceva niciodata, nu inteleg prea bine ce e cu expresia asta. Lumea sustine ca e "un sentiment ai naibii de frumos", ce iti "gadila tot corpul", iti face sangele sa-ti tropaie mai alert prin vene, sa te simti in 7th Heaven. Head over heels. Nici expresia asta nu o pricep. Oricum, a-propos de expresia "a avea fluturi in stomac", nu se poate vorbi de un sentiment. A avea fluturi in stomac, chiar si la figurativ vorbind, e perceptia unei senzatii, nicidecum a unui sentiment. Sentimentele iti gadila cu totul altceva, in nici un caz peretii stomacali. Whureva`...
Aseara a fost majoratul lui Radu. Desi intotdeauna la alcool reactionez precum mimoza atinsa de niste degete prihanite, nu m-am potolit pana nu am tras o vodka peste cap. Se prea poate sa imi placa vodka din cauza unor radacini rusesti pe care nu demult le-am descoperit in arborele meu genealogic. Sau poate ca sunt mult prea fascinata de cultura rusa. Sau poate e doar snobismul. Moscova e cel mai scump oras european din punct de vedere al investitiilor imobiliare, conform Forbes 2007. Oricum nimic nu e mai relevant decat ca eu, la simtul a 50 ml de Absolut...absolut ma imbat. O fi doar autosugestie, o fi realitate. Oricum, l`imagination ce n`est pas le mensonge. Cert e ca m-am simtit foarte bine. Dimneata: trezit devreme, facut ceva raport la un proiect, dat telefoane, rezolvat treburi de oameni seriosi, apoi ore de mate. Apoi mi s-a facut dor de el. Nu l-am sunat. Mi-e greu sa relev chiar fiecare parte din mine in fata unui, say, alien. Sunt prea multe lucruri ce ne leaga. De-asta tacerea asta crunta. Vama Veche, first of all. 4 years ago. O abordare care cerea palme. De-alea gen "papushe, vii la un suc?", dar cu mult mai mult stil si subtilitate galanta. Apoi o lunga perioada de tatonare, soldata cu o palma ferma peste fata fix in ajun de Craciun, un an mai tarziu. Nimic concret so far. In rest telepatie si comunicare, cum altfel, prin mail-uri si telefoane, ocazional. O pura prietenie. Produsul ei? Dupa un interval de cativa ani in care am trait cateva vieti paralele, iata-ne din nou in locul de origine(Vama Veche) de data asta mai maturi si mai ... impreuna. Am dat cu piciorul intr-un principiu la care cred ca tineam mult la un moment dat. Dar , intre timp, am dat de ... Apropiere. Dumnezeu la puterea dumnezeu. Nebunii cu palarie danseaza. Cred ca daca nu NE iubim, cel putin iubim.
Desigur ca am numarat pana la 10. Dupa atatea integrale trebuia sa-mi revin cumva. Un fulg de nea m-a plesnit peste fata calda. Temperatura corpului meu a scazut sub zero grade. Instant. Nu-mi mai trebuia nimic decat mana lui calda si un ceai fierbinte. Pana sa numar la zece, am uitat de integrale. M-a sunat. Vieti ciudate ce avem noi nu mai are nimeni. Vine saptamana viitoare. Irelevant. He`s here with me every time I need him. The question is: how often do I really really need him? Nu ma mai inteleg...